Are You Still There?

I see you everywhere.
In the drawers of lifeless clothes
That I pull open in the morning
That used to be carefully chosen for you
Or the things we might do…

You are downstairs in the bowl of apples
On my kitchen table
Which remind me of the apple you once ate in my car
As we gave in to temptation.

You are in the texts of great literary heroes
Steinbeck
Wordsworth
Shakespeare … the constant reminder of that trip one summer
Where we walked along the embankment under the electric lights
But you didn’t hold my hand
Or kiss me by the river
And it didn’t really matter because I knew later
You would…

You are in the weather:
Mentions of snow
That take me back to a fleeting
Visit to a cold carpark
And a car covered under a blanket of snow
Where we uncovered each other
And thrilled in the excitement
And beauty of it all.

You are in the fields I see from the window
As I drive home from work
Or the songs I hear as they play tunelessly on the stereo
Reminding me of carefully chosen playlists;
Choir,
Stolen moments in the pub
Before everything…

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