If only I was Violet…

“You don’t regret it, do you?”

”How can I? Violet’s my life. I chose to live.”

“Do you remember when you told me I had beautiful knees? I never like my knees. In fact, I thought they were ugly. But your eyes have rehabilitated them. Whether I see you again or not, I’m going to live out my life with these two beautiful knees. The letters are full of little thoughts like that one but she also wrote: “It’s important now to tell you that I love you. I held back because I was a coward. I am yelling it now. And even if I lose you, I’ll always say to myself, ‘I had that. I had him and it was delirious and sacred and sweet.’ If you let me I’ll always dote on your whole odd, savage, painting self.’
Siri Hustvedt, What I Loved

”Do you remember when I kissed your toes? The ones that are strangely long? Well I hope that whether I see you again or not you will live out your life with those two beautiful toes and memories of me. I also think it is important now to tell you that I love you and that I have wanted you. All of you. From the moment I first laid eyes on you. I held back because I was scared that you’d say no. Well I’m yelling it now. And even if I lose you forever, I’ll always say to myself, ‘I had that. I had him and it was delirious and sacred and sweet.’  If you let me I’ll always dote on your whole odd, savage, selfless, beautiful, beardless self.’

Me